The topic for April is authenticity
Hey Friends,
Raise your hand if…you ever find it difficult to speak up and say what’s on your mind, you feel like you have to portray a certain image to be accepted, or have caved to others demands without expressing their impact on you, and you’re aware of and connected to an inner voice inside that is sure, that knows what is right for you, that you call your true self? 👋👋👋
Then join me in exploring this month’s focus topic: authenticity. We’ll take a look at what it means to be authentic, what keeps us from trusting our gut, and how to find practices that connect us with our true sense of self.
As humans, we all have a basic need to connect, belong, and be loved. Our need to connect and form attachments is an evolutionary part of our survival, relationships, and the formation of cultures and societies. But in situations where we have to choose between being accepted or facing the vulnerability and possible rejection of being direct and honest, it can be hard to choose the latter.
As creatives, we have a need to be authentic in how we express ourselves. Ideas come to us more freely when we’re true to ourselves; the creative impulse urges us to bring them to life, naturally springing us into action. Add an outside expectation, a desired outcome, an audience, a client, or a self-critical inner voice, pushing us to act out of alignment with ourselves, and it can get in the way of our creative flow.
Having to compromise your values to meet someone else’s expectations can be very difficult, especially when outside expectations don’t align with your unspoken inner desires and expectations. This pent-up stress, over time, can lead to burnout.
One of the hardest decisions I’ve made as a studio owner was to walk away from a big project I really needed because a client I’d allowed to walk all over me finally overstepped a major boundary, and I had to choose between sucking it up or asserting myself.
I don’t regret this choice, as I’ve been able to learn from this experience that it’s up to me to set and communicate clear expectations and boundaries that guide healthy client interactions that are aligned with my intentions.
At some point, we all learn that it’s unfulfilling to live in service to someone else’s expectations of us and that we have to trust our ability to make the right decisions for ourselves. There is no greater gift you can share with the world than showing up truly as you are. What helps make this possible is being conscious of where you’re at in every moment and not being afraid to say yes to what is serving you and no to what isn’t, even if it means letting go sometimes. The choice is always yours to make.
I hope that what I have to share with you today can provide some useful tools for taking the next step towards showing up more authentically in your life and profession.
Warmly,
Shawn
What does it mean to be authentic?
There’s no one whose work resonates with me more on this topic than physician and author Dr. Gabor Maté, who is sought after for his expertise on trauma, addiction, stress, and childhood development.
How does Gabor Maté define authenticity?
“Authenticity is the need to be ourselves, which means to be connected to our emotions and our body and be able to heed their guidance. Our gut feelings are our “inner GPS.”. As animals in nature, we evolved to survive by being connected to our gut feelings. How long would an animal in nature survive if they’re not connected to their gut feelings? Not very long.”
How to stop people pleasing and set authentic boundaries while staying kind
In this video, Gabor Maté discusses the interplay between attachment and authenticity in human development. He explains that attachment—the drive to be close to others for care and survival—is essential to our survival in childhood.
Maté illustrates how conflicts between attachment and authenticity arise, often leading individuals to suppress their true selves to maintain relationships with their parents or meet societal expectations. This suppression can lead to various negative outcomes, including emotional distress, illness, and addiction.
He suggests that reconnecting with one's authentic self is possible by paying attention to the body and emotions. We need to realize that, as adults, you are more important than your attachments. While choosing authenticity may lead to losing some attachments, Maté argues that prioritizing one's true self ultimately leads to greater fulfillment and well-being.
3 simple steps to start showing up more authentically:
As an individual
Invest in practices that help you connect to your true self by paying attention to your emotions and body and calming your nervous system. Tuning into emotions is the saurest way to start to know what it is you want.As a creative
Have an artistic practice that you do only for yourself without any outside expectation, other than because you love doing it.As a professional
Show up authentically in your profession by being able to say no to opportunities that are not right for you, so you can say yes to the ones that are. Set clear intentions, expectations, and boundaries for yourself to guide how you engage and make yourself available to others.
A 5 Min Guided Meditation Practice for Authenticity and listening to your true self
Try tyis easy meditation practice for calming your nervous system, paying attention to your body and emotions, and uncovering the needs connected to your feelings. As I learned from Gabor Maté “If you want to prioritize showing up more authentically, tuning into emotions is the surest way to start to know what it is you want.”
Show up authentically in your profession by being able to say no to opportunities that are not right for you, so you can say yes to the ones that are
As the owner of a small, growing business, it can be difficult to be direct in asserting yourself with your clients if you fear missing out on an opportunity or losing business by not keeping up with the client’s demands. If you have to make significant concessions to attract a client, you can expect to make additional concessions to retain them. Continually bowing to the demands of others against our better judgement can lead to much exhaustion and frustration over time.
Remember that your responsibility is to your own firm, and your clients will benefit from having you in charge of the process, guiding them to the intended outcome.
You can come to these conversations prepared by having a work agreement between you and your studio as a framework for how you do business. This exercise is designed to help you set clear goals, intentions, and appropriate boundaries for yourself as an independent business owner. Use this agreement to outline how you will interact with your business as the owner and your clients as the service provider. Determine what you are willing and unwilling to perform, as well as the working conditions required to maintain a healthy relationship with your work. This agreement can function as a foundation for monitoring where you stand in regard to your business and client relationships.
“The authentic self is the soul made visible.”
– Sarah Ban Breathnach
Thank you for joining me! I’d love to hear from you if you have questions, comments, or a story you’d like to share with this community. Hit me up!
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